Goodbye, W.

6y11m, our last 29th.
Betrayal is the WORST act in a relationship. That is never the thing one should ever do to hurt the person who love you. People always thought we would last and spend a lifetime together but now, you proved them wrong, you proved me wrong. I honestly did not see this coming and I'll never expect that you would do such a thing. Never.
I can't believe how things have to end in such a way. It hurts so much to be holding on to someone who doesn't even give a damn anymore. You forced me to end our relationship, you forced me to let go of you, you forced me to move on. Do you know how much pain you've inflicted on me? Do you know I still refuse to believe that you're such an immoral person? Do you know how disgusted I am by your actions? Do you know how fucking selfish you are? Do you seriously know what exactly you're doing? You asked for a 2 months cooling period, so tell me, what am I to you? Just an option? I'm not your second best and I definitely don't deserve to be treated this way. Never would I expect that you'll do such a hurtful thing to me. Never. I was wrong to have trusted you, so wrong. I truly hope you'll regret this.

The thought of you holding her hands and the thought of you behaving intimately with her hurt me so fucking badly. It hurts so damn fucking much. I can’t believe how insignificant I am to you right now. I can’t believe you chose to give up on us. I can’t believe you’re forcing me to let go of you because it’s just too painful for me to hold on. I don’t want to be an option to you. I want the whole of you to myself but you're just out of my reach. If you think that girl whom you just met recently can give you the happiness I failed to give you in this 7 years of relationship, then I seriously hope you've made the right choice. You’re so fucking heartless to inflict such pain on me. I love you and this is what I got in return? I gave you my all and you took it for granted. Do you know how fucking hurtful is this?! You’re way too selfish. I hate all the shit you’re making me go through. I really hate the you who'd changed. You're no longer the Wilson whom I knew.


Teared at work upon seeing the screenshot from L of what C posted. Totally couldn't control my emotions. You’re making my heart bleed so much. Do you know that this pain I’m feeling is so damn unbearable, so excruciating? Do you know? It kills me inside to know that the person who once meant the world to me is nothing at all now. Too much left unsaid, but I guess it doesn't really matter now. Perhaps we’re just not meant to walk this path together, forever. At least for 7 years, we did. Maybe someday our paths will cross again.

There's no longer a 'we', 'us', nor something which we can call ours. Perhaps just that 7 years of memories? Yes, time will cause feelings to fade but you can never ever erase the memories created. I’ll truly miss you, I’ll miss us. We've gone through so much together all these years and I really can't bear to let go of you but I know I have to. Still, I'm glad that you were once part of my life. Thank you for all these years, you're the one who made me feel so blessed and loved but you're also the one who hurt me the most. I cannot bring myself to hate you, neither can I love you like before. To the guy whom I’ll never forget, to the guy who’s no longer mine, goodbye, W.
I love you, for the very last time.  x

Dear love,

I miss us.

Cried all over again when mom told me, “Don’t be sad. When you’re sad I won’t be happy too.” Even dad realised the change in me. He asked mom, “Why is she unusually quiet these few days?” I need to find a reason to be happy again. Sorry for making those who care and love me worry about me :'''( Sigh.

Those memories just keep haunting me. Remember how you would say hi to me every morning in school? Remember how you would wave at me from your classroom whenever you see me? Remember the first time you waited for me after school just to walk me to my stop? Remember how was our first date like? Remember the cake you baked for me? Remember how we spoke in our own love language? Remember that rainy day when you sheltered me using just your jacket? Remember how you would pick me up almost every single day after work? Remember there was once you waited 2 hours for me to appear? Remember you always insisted on walking me home despite me saying no and you still tailed me back? Remember our first time dancing under the night sky? Remember how silly you would behave when you're intoxicated? Remember how much you enjoy disturbing me because you love to see me getting annoyed? Remember how I refused to soak my feet in the fish pond at farmart but you still made me do it? Remember our swimming sessions? Remember those times when you had to hold my hands at the dentist because I’m always afraid? Remember how we would spend almost every Saturday together? Remember how we would say 'I love you' to each other before falling asleep? Remember how many years of anniversary and birthdays we've spent together? Remember you’re supposed to attend my graduation in 2014? Remember those plans we made? Remember how we would talk about our future which sounded so near? Remember how unbearable it was for us to bid goodbye at the airport, twice? Remember how tough it was for us to get through our long distance relationship in 2011? Remember how you would always tell me not to be afraid because you'll be there to protect me? Do you even remember?

Meeting you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I thought we're made for each other, our families and friends thought so too. But why did things turn out to be like this? Our love didn’t come easy at all but I guess all these aren’t of much significance to you anymore. Why can’t we salvage this? I refuse to believe this is it. Baby, we haven’t tried our best. Why can’t we try? Where did you go?

Yes, indeed it hurts so fucking badly but I still love you. Every time I think about you, think about us, I find myself crying all over again. Can you please tell me this is entirely a horrible prank or just another bad dream which I'll come around to soon? Please, baby. This is one major hurdle. If we manage to get through this phase, we would have proven our love worthy. Perhaps the both of us need some time to calm our hearts and sort out our feelings. I still have that bit of hope in us, don't kill it. Time will tell and love will find a way.

Britney Spears - From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart

"How was I to know I'd miss you so?

Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind

Where do I go?

And you didn't hear all my joy through my tears

All my hopes through my fears

Did you know?

Still I miss you somehow

From the bottom of my broken heart

There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know

You were my first love, you were my true love

From the first kisses to the very last rose"

Exact thoughts.

I guess it's just goodbye for now.

Heartstrings

I wish I know where we're heading. I dread the bleakness ahead, the unpredictability of this romance. It's stupid to hold on to something that keeps hurting you, but it's stupider to let go of everything that you have ever wanted. I still believe that love finds a way if we try hard enough to make this work.

Waiting

I used to think that as long as I want it badly enough, I'll be able to get what I want. Now, it makes more sense that the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
This is like a cliff hanger.
Time? Maybe time is all we need. Patience? That's what I need.
Too precious, too much to lose. I don't want to lose it all. What about you?

The wound, too raw to heal. I can't brace myself up. It's impossible for me to accept such a drastic change in the you whom I used to know, in the you whom I love so dearly. I honestly don't wish, hope nor expect now. All that I ask for is for things to return back to how it used to be, but is that possible? Can you make it happen? Will you want to make it happen?


"Beautiful things come out of horrible situations, I know for a fact. Out of sadness you get a newfound wisdom on how the world can look with a haze of gray clouds, how people can be senseless, how you can see the whole universe in a whole new way. And that may be hard to handle, hard to cope, hard to accept, but it is so damn beautiful if you really take the chance to realize."

2 weekends back.

 I'm telling myself this shall be the last time I'm going to break down.

Sometimes when we're in love, we're too foolish and blinded to realise what we are doing. Why should I allow such pain to be inflicted on me time and time again? Enough.

You'll eventually lose the person whom you took for granted. Perhaps not now, but someday.

My heart feels heavy, just way too heavy.

W.

You're the risk I'll always take.

I'm learning, learning to guard my heart.

It's like, sometimes I just can't find a reason but I know it's going to be worth it.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I've never cried this much, I've never been hurt like this. It's through an episode of crazy shit which made me realised who are the people who really care, who would listen and who would advise. Really thankful to have these people in my life :') They know who they are but especially L and my sis! ♥
L accompanied me throughout, listened to me, gave me advices, told me what were my mistakes and made me see things in another perspective. Such a dear girlfriend ♥ thank you, babe! x
Stronger and braver this time.

Hatched

My boyfriend feeds me FATTTTT. Damn fat. I'll definitely lose a few kilos whenever he's away.  HOWEVER when he's back I'll DEFINITELY gain back part of the weight lost?!! For instance this time when he went away for 6 weeks I lost 2kg, but I'm certain I'll gain back a kg in no time at the rate we're eating! :/  FAT.

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Brunch @ Hatched on the Friday before he left.

Hair length before visiting Klearcut.

I've always wanted to visit Hatched after hearing recommendations and reading positive reviews on it! But to my dismay it wasn't anything like what was mentioned, at least to me :/ Overrated, I would say.

I realised how time flies while looking through certain albums dated back to 2009!! It's true that pictures bring back fond memories. This was one of those:

HAHAHAHA. This was taken on one of his first book-outs in 2009? Just look at what we were wearing! His crocs?! The RL polo tee which he stopped wearing? My blue rose skirt? & that denim jacket which had turned yellow?!

1 Jul

If only my face could be symmetrical! I would replace the right profile with my left profile!!

Maybe I should change my hair parting. Boring.

1 July; It's Sunday once again. The thought of going to work tomorrow is seriously frigging SIAN. New task tomorrow.You don't know how much I dread doing that.

Seeing Dr Sim in a week's time. Here comes my root canal part 2 :///