12 consecutive weeks of partying; Home on a Saturday. Seemingly odd indeed.
I've been put through so many emotions all these months but I realised I haven't been truly happy in the longest of time. Being happy is actually a simple thing but I really don't understand why it has become such a daunting task now.
Happiness is an option, it's how I perceive it to be, it's all in the mind, I know that.
I am terribly confused with what I want. It's like I'm putting my attention on the things that I shouldn't even be too bothered with. Yes I need to be distracted but it's really ironic how my distractions are giving me greater confusion right now. My heart and mind don’t go in sync. They never will. I guess enough is enough. It's pretty pointless going in circles and ending up back at the same point. We won't get anything out of this, I really highly doubt so. If only your words are worth believing, if only you truly know what you want. It's not like I don't know what exactly is going on. I'm even more certain that I've to guard myself well. It's fucking ridiculous how I'm not trying my best to cease this entire thing. It's tough not to expect anything at all but the truth is, expectations ruin everything. I've to keep my distance.
Allowing all these to persist is akin to cutting a wound open over again and again. It just doesn't heal. Not at all.
I really should prioritise what's worth prioritising.
November is merely 11 days away. I'm almost 21. I guess it does feel weird not having him around this time. I screwed things up last year and never did I expect that would be the last.
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